Lunes, Abril 29, 2013

My Son's First Death Anniversary

It's +Mark Cyrus Alivio-Canillas death anniversary.

Days, weeks and months passed and now a year after we experienced sacrifices and pains of lossing him in our life but happy 'coz we knew that he is now with God.

We almost blamed all including God for what happened... but then we realized it's his destiny and have to allow what's God's purposes. Many things had changed but there is or at least few have remained that sometimes we couldn't understand why it happened the same way at the same hours again.

Before we fetched my son to the hospital, we experienced different things such as his memoir... including his kind of actions and ability to give us joy and laughter even if his young age. There was also times when we felt tranquility because he hadn't made us problematic aside of the times when we need to fetch him in the hospital because of his sickness. Many people had tried to stare at him when we walked on their ways and sometimes they wanted to hug him 'coz of his bodily-built fats. Sigh... that's yesterday not today!

This week is very memorable for us 'coz it was the times when Cyrus experieced difficulty in his breathing and we wouldn't find any smile coming from him... perhaps he couldn't breath well or maybe he already knew that he will leave us later.

Last year, when we were in the hospital, I felt so much pains and it was very difficult for me to see my son on that situation. I couldn't tell them that I'm so weak and very afraid to face the moment but I had to stand 'coz my wifey seemed very affected and can easily break but I was wrong... She is much brave than me. It was also the time when my friend and I talked at the waiting shed when the heavy rains dropped with many pea-size ice coming from the sky. It was funny but I felt scary 'coz I wished that event before my son got sick. Well, it was a day before his death!

This year, it is so traumatic to see that hospital and I swear that I will not come or visit at least that hospital again but I dunno why... the day I fetched my son to the hospital is the time my brother came for help... he experienced "holdup" then he got wounds and bloodily face... this time I only did was to fetch him to the hospital that I won't see anymore... at the hospital I felt the same a year before... same day I fetched my son and I fetched my bro a year after. On the second day that I experienced icy rain before had happened again a year after. By the way, the day that I fetched my son to the hospital is Friday... the same this year.

I'm afraid that the incidents will not happen again.. I dunno why but I always feel the same feeling I felt before until today. I feel its freshness... Sighhh... Lord help us especially me to recover and to move on from the past events. We have to be strong for our first baby and the coming after Cyrus. My left son is our lesson that we should take care our son out of our career. 

1 komento:

  1. isang taon na rin na halos makawala sa sirkulasyon ang utak ko... kahit paano madali nang tanggapin ang pagkawala niya di tulad dati :)