It's been a week after my son's wake... a time when I couldn't express my feelings on many unanswerable things. I couldn't say that it is very difficult but I acted like it's so hard to accept. My mind says it's all right and I'm ready to face my responsibilities but when there are conversations about my late son... I feel the pain in my mind and I couldn't explain it. I couldn't understand sometimes myself especially when I reminisce the old times, before my son's death. I missed him so much and it really made me sad and hopeless when I reminisced his lovable smile and chubby face.
It's been a week of feeling so irritable and my blood pressure shot up, sometimes almost making me collapse. It's 135/90! I tried to research about it and planned to bring it down to its normal level. Though it is quite normal but I need to assure for my eldest son and my wife too. I tried to make a veggie salad which is very difficult for my tummy. It's been about a year since I last ate veggies because it made me so irritable, especially my bowels. My tummy can't digest veggies, in short! That's why often just fry meat and chicken which resulted to my slowly weakening body.
The salad is mixed of freshed celery, lettuce, carrots, bell pepper, cucumber, tomato, apple and additives such as tortillos and its dressing, mayonnaise.
It is so very hard to accept the fact that my angelic son is in heaven now and I couldn't take him back again. But, I hope all of us will still be able to have a good future and good fortune, and be able to get out of this curse!